The North West Passage

At thirty-six years old, I have no children of my own. It is likely that I never will.

There have always been children in my life, of course: the offspring of my sisters and of my other friends. I know quite a few people now who are in their early 20’s who I first met as toddlers, barely able to walk. But sometimes people ask me if I will ever “settle down”.

Well, we have here the makings of a philosophical problem. Let’s look at it like this.

People want to bear their own children for a wide variety of reasons.
1. Some feel as if they will be incomplete as adults if they have not at least tried to start their own family. Or, they will point to the inherently fulfilling nature of the relationship between parents and children (assuming the family is not dysfunctional.)
2. Some desire children in order to achieve a kind of vicarious immortality: a child will carry on the parent’s name into the future, and perhaps also the story of his life and his values.
3. Some may want children in order to have caregivers in their old age, thinking it better to be cared for by his or her family than by unrelated nurses and doctors.
4. Some desire children because they want someone to love and someone to love them in return, and they know that a child will do that (at least for a while!).
5. Some may think that parenthood fulfills a primary moral claim of religion, such as “be fruitful and multiply”.
6. Finally, some people feel a kind of internal driving urge to have a child. One friend of mine and recent mother told me, “Everything in my body was telling me to have a child. I couldn’t sleep right until my boyfriend agreed to be a father.”

Of course, there are any number of ways to gain these benefits without having children.
1. You can gain a sense of completeness as an adult, and a sense of an inherently fulfilling life, through excellence in almost any kind of meaningful and productive work, such as in material craftsmanship, or athletics, or the arts. Parenthood is only one of many possibilities here.
2. You can gain vicarious immortality by other ways besides parenthood: for instance, you could write a book. Furthermore, the vicarious immortality of parenthood isn’t guaranteed anyway. If, in your own life, you don’t fully carry forward your own parent’s values, then you probably cannot expect a child of yours to carry your values forward either.
3. As for creating children to be one’s old-age caregivers: your children might expect that you made your own preparations for retirement (such as by investing in a pension plan) and may resent being asked to act as caregivers.
4. The desire for unconditional love can be fulfilled in a healthy adult-to-adult relationship. And in other kinds of relationships. Some people I know experience unconditional love from their dogs and their horses.
5. A religious reason to have a child will have to contend with the higher-order problems associated with following any religious rules at all. Sometimes it is not clear what the gods are telling you to do. It is also possible that even if the religious rules are clear, they might still be irrational. The Euthyphro Dilemma comes to mind as an argument that puts the rationality of religious rules to the test.
6. Finally, an urge to have a child is not a reason to have a child: to claim otherwise is to fall back on emotivism. (In a similar way: I might have an urge to take revenge upon someone who stole something from me, but that is not a reason to hurt him.) Moreover, just because I am biologically capable of fathering a child, it doesn’t follow that I must do so. To claim otherwise is to commit the naturalistic fallacy, or to accept some kind of biological determinism.

Overall, there are no reasons I can think of which create absolutely binding obligations on everyone to bear children and become parents.

But none of the criticisms here are strong reasons to not have children. Furthermore, I can think of at least one decent reason to create families which can’t be satisfied by other means: bearing children perpetuates the human race. It would be a great tragedy if the whole human race decided at the same time to have no more children, and make the present generation the last in history. Such a decision might be tantamount to misanthropy: it would be like deciding that the human race shouldn’t go on. But the flourishing life cannot entertain that kind of misanthropy. It has to have confidence in life, confidence in the future and in the next generation. It has to find or invent reasons why life is ethically desirable. Starting a family and raising a child is a practical way to do that. The decision to conceive and bear a child affirms life by creating more life.

I find this a compelling proposition, although I find it hard to see how that proposition can create binding obligations on everyone. The value at stake is the affirmation of life: the creation of children and families, and the perpetuation of the human race into the future, is only one way among many to fulfill that value. Although I find that parenthood is a very good and praiseworthy thing, indeed I find that it is a sacred thing, I simply cannot see any strong moral or logical reason to condemn people who choose to remain childless. To use an analogy: society may need doctors, and you can affirm life by taking up one of the healing professions. But it doesn’t follow that everyone is morally obliged to study medicine. It is good enough that some of us, but not all of us, become doctors. It should be good enough that some of us, but not all of us, become parents.

Of course, the original question is left standing: will I, personally, ever have children? The answer is, probably not. I will continue to enjoy being an uncle to my nine nieces and nephews, and to the children of some of my friends. I am part of “the village” in which some children are raised. And for now, that seems good enough for me.

If you’d like to win the very first signed copy of my new book, “Loneliness and Revelation”, and also a copy of “The Island”, my music CD, then here’s a contest for you.

Post your favourite quotation from one of my previous books on your blog, your Facebook page, your MySpace page, your Twitter feed, or any other internet social media that you like. Put it in the your local community’s newsletter. Read it aloud in your next podcast episode, or in your next YouTube video, and talk about it. Photoshop it into a picture or a photograph that you find artistically fitting, and post it to a photo-sharing site.

If you want, you can also include some commentary about what the quote means to you. There’s no minimum or maximum length requirement. It can be as simple or as complex as you like. And I welcome critical questions and counter-arguments too, so long as they are constructive and rational.

Include with the quote my name, the title of the book where the quote came from, and my web site address (brendanmyers.net). Then, email me to tell me that you’ve done it, and include the URL so that I can see it for myself.

Haven’t got any of my books? Buy one from any bookstore in the world, whether independent or chain, or from any online retailer. Or borrow one from a friend, or a local public library.

This contest is open starting today (13th September) and closes on the official release day for Loneliness and Revelation (29th October). I will select a winner at random, and announce the winner on my podcast, “Standing Stone and Garden Gate”.

As a special offer: you can increase your chances of winning the book by telling a friend! If more than 50 people participate in this contest, I will select two winners instead of just one. If more than 100 people participate, I’ll select three winners. If more than 150 people participate, I’ll select four. And so on. (Only one, of course, will receive the very first signed copy!)

Another way you can increase your chances of winning: Wait 24 hours, and do it again. Post another quote to your blog (or Twitter feed, or photo stream, etc etc). I’ll put one ticket with your name on it in the draw for each time that you post a quote from one of my books on your favourite social media, between now and the 29th of October.

Click here for information about “Loneliness and Revelation”

And click here to learn about Brendan’s other books

Finally, if you are within reach of Ottawa, Ontario, come to the official book launch party!
Location: The Clocktower Brew Pub, 575 Bank st.
Date: 7th November 2010
Time: 1pm.

Most of the time, we are too busy, too tired, or too distracted to address question of why things are the way they are. Some people proactively discourage the question. Yet the question why transports the mind beyond the here and now, and into the world. We aim to understand things better, more completely, more deeply than we presently do. We look for the greater scale of meaning which explains the things we do, and why things are the way they are. If asked, told, or compelled to do something, we also need to know why we should do it. That knowledge figures into our perceptions of things, our behaviour and habits, and eventually our whole way of being in the world. We need knowledge as surely as we need food and air — as Aristotle teachers, “by nature, all men long to know.” (Metaphysics, 980a). The power of knowledge is decisive: as Nietzsche said, we can endure any what if we know the why.

Without knowledge, we are machines; with knowledge, we are human beings.

Why is your life the way it is? Why is the world the way it is? Set aside whatever else you are doing right now, and think about these questions. You may have a demanding job and a needy family and a large social circle, and thus a lot of work to do. But you are never too busy to do your own thinking. Ask yourself why are you doing whatever you are doing. Ask why you consent to do the things you are asked, told, or compelled to do. Are others relying on your help for some purpose that you share with them? Are you being promised rewards, and are you actually receiving the rewards you are promised? Is there some higher purpose or goal that you are aiming for? Is that goal realistically achieveable?

When you discover an answer, ask yourself why that is the answer. And to that answer, ask why again.

This process of systematic questioning can have a twofold effect.

One is the commencement of social and political emancipation. For the process of systematic questioning eventually encounters social and political authority. We can, and should, question our social, cultural, economic, and political arrangements, and the way powerful people use their power. Systems of oppression of any kind, be they religious, racial, sexual, economic, political, or even interpersonal, always have a core of doctrines to protect. If any of these doctrines have anything about them that fails to correspond to the facts of reality, or that has faulty internal logic, or is in any way nonsensical, we can use the systematic why to try and find it. Examples are not hard to find: for instance the doctrine of the inherent intellectual or genetic superiority of Caucasian men and the corresponding inferiority of women or non-Caucasians. Another example is the doctrine of the laziness and stupidity of the poor. A third is the doctrine that some way of doing things is inevitable, or perfect, or mandated by God or by nature. Examples of the latter can be found across the whole political spectrum, from the Libertarians and Capitalists of the far right, to the Communists of the far left. Those who benefit from a system of oppression cannot question that core: not only does it sustain their privilege, which by questioning they stand to lose, but it also configures their reality. They may be unable to understand themselves and the world without it. And without that understanding, they lose their own souls. Thus when deployed in the public sphere, the systematic why eventually encounters political resistance: those with something to loose will claim that some things ought not to be questioned. At this point, the systematic why becomes more than simply investigative. It becomes provocative. Should the systematic why help to create life-affirming change, it becomes liberating.

The second effect of the systematic question is philosophical and spiritual. For eventually we encounter the insidious endlessness of the question ‘why?’ . No matter what answer we give to the question, it is always possible to ask it again. Any parent of a small child knows this: the child asks ‘why’ over and over again, until the parent either orders the child to stop, or admits he doesn’t know. The persistence of the question in children is perhaps further evidence of how much the human organism needs knowledge, as much as food and air.

The point of asking ‘why’ again and again is to reach a higher point of view. We can continue to ask the question until we reach a cosmic scale. We can eventually attempt to understand things at the highest, deepest, most comprehensive level. For convenience, let us call this level of questioning “the God’s eye view”. Looking upon things from such a view, we hope to learn a few things that can explain everything. Yet from that view we soon find that the question can still never be fully or completely answered. No response to the question ends the cycle; no answer is ever the final answer. Even at the God’s eye view, it remains possible to continue asking the question ‘why?’ In this way, our highest values exhaust themselves, and empty themselves out. Or to use Nietzsche’s phrase, “the highest values devalue themselves”. The question that cannot be answered perhaps has no answer. Then the way is open for the terror of nihilism.

We become overwhelmed with nothingness. So it may be tempting to descend from the God’s eye view and return to the safety and familiarity of the earth — for instance by saying that “it all works out in the end”. But alas, my friends, what we really learn by observing the world from God’s point of view is that the end never comes. Even at the highest level, we have still not yet reached the highest level. It is not that we never learn the answer; rather, it is that every answer (if it is a good answer, an answer which reflects sound logical principles and observable reality) opens up new avenues of wonder which admit of more turns at the question why?. We learn that for any given explanation of things, it is always possible to ask again the question ‘why’, and thus be carried to a higher or deeper scale of meaning which renders the previous scale merely local, merely particular to some given time and place. Certainly we find that the previous scale of meaning is not demanded as universally necessary by nature, or by reason, or by divine decree. In this way, even the philosophical aspect of the question is also socially and politically liberating. It enables us to see that things could have turned out otherwise and can therefore be changed.

I have asserted that the basic question why is endless. Yet if ever we come to a place where the cycle may rest for a moment, at peace with itself, perhaps we may justifiably call that place sacred.

What are those places in your life?

– Participate in local park, neighbourhood, or riverside clean-ups.
– Join an organic food co-op. Learn to cook. Host a dinner party.
– Join a book club and read a mythological text such as the Illiad, or the Prose Edda
– Join a local community theatre group and perform a re-enactment of an event in Greek mythology (or Celtic, or Baltic, etc.).
– Reserve a few hours each week for solitary quiet meditation.
– Help your local spiritual teacher or elder with ordinary household tasks: cutting the grass, making dinner, babysitting, etc.
– Stop smoking!
– Leave offerings of fruit, nuts, flowers, ribbons, or paper notes at the foot of your favourite nearby tree, or at your favourite spot on the riverside. (Haven’t got one? Go walking around your neighbourhood and find one!)
– Investigate herbalism, holistic therapy techniques, and alternative medicine.
– Place images, icons, or small statues of your favourite mythological deities or heroes around your home.
– Learn a domestic handcraft like knitting or crochet. Sew your own clothes. Create quilts and tapestries to decorate your home.
– Plant a herb and flower garden.
– Question your beliefs. Question your leaders too. While you’re at it, question everything.
– Learn a martial art such as karate, kung fu, or tai-kwan-do. Learn yoga or tai chi. Learn a mediaeval European weapon, such as the sword, or the longbow.
– Foster a rescued cat or dog.
– Go camping in a conservation park or wilderness reserve. Leave the computers at home!
– Investigate divination systems such as Tarot cards, Runes, I-Ching, and Ogham. Compare the results of divination castings with what you actually know of the world.
– Salute the sun and the moon, once each day.
– Vote.
– Help out at food banks, women’s shelters, animal shelters, and environmental awareness groups.
– When you speak of the things that matter most in life, speak intelligently and rationally, and speak from the heart.
– Attend a Pagan festival, and offer to help with site maintenance. (Most people volunteer for the more glamourous jobs like security, or ritual presentations. But someone needs to ensure that the toilets are clean!)
– Recycle and compost as much of your household waste as you can. If such services are not available, urge your local municipal council to provide them.
– Visit an occult or metaphysical supply store.
– Give special respect to elderly people.
– Study the animals and birds that live around you. Study the weather.
– Keep a dream journal.
– Write out the text of “The Charge of the Goddess” in calligraphy.
– Learn to play a few folk songs on your piano or guitar. Write your own songs and poems.
– Greet your friends with joy, be glad to see them.
– Thank with sincerity the people who benefit you.
– Be courageous, generous, and a good friend.
– Dance, feast, sing, make music and love.
– Honour the dead.
– Honour the earth.
– Honour yourself.

…what’s on your list for this week?

I have occasionally advocated the revival of some of the values of “the heroic society”. But one of the values of that kind of society which ought not to be revived is the blood feud. This is basically a kind of revenge-cycle in which, when someone commits a criminal offense, the victim or his family responds by committing a similar offense against the offender, or his family. This may seem like justice, but it actually turns the victim into an offender, and the offender into a victim, and prompts both parties to continue inflicting harm upon each other. The result is an escalating spiral of violence. And if the original offense was murder, the blood feud becomes a spiral of retributive killing which can continue for many generations, long after the initial incident is forgotten. Sometimes the payment of a fine (in Irish, an “eric”; in Anglo-Saxon, a “wer-gild”) could settle matters. But it took only one hold-out whose pride got the better of him to start the cycle anew.

Think of the Hatfields and the McCoys here.

When Christianity arrived in Ireland and Scotland, it seems that blood-feuds were straining the social fabric at almost every level. Nobody really wanted to be involved in the cycle of violence. But so much tribal and personal pride was at stake, so no one wanted to be the first to step up and say ‘Enough!’. So a Christian missionary from outside the culture, who preached a god of forgiveness and brotherly love, had a receptive audience.

It seems that the situation in pre-Muslim Arabia was similar. Tit-for-tat justice and eye-for-an-eye punishments were exhausting everyone, and locking whole families into inescapable “obligations” to avenge small wrongdoings with bigger ones. So a prophet whose message defined pride as a cardinal sin, and submission to God and to Peace as the solution to that sin, also found a ready and waiting audience

The problem of the blood-feud can be compared to the situation of the painter who paints himself into a corner, or the carpenter who builds something in his workshop that turns out to be too big to fit through his door. It is a prison, but we do not see it as a prison because we built it ourselves. Indeed the prisoner who locks himself in his labyrinth may still think himself free. But it is a situation in which people do what they think is in their interest but end up producing a situation that no one wants. If you know something of the literature of philosophy, think of the Hobbsean Trap, for instance, or the Prisoner’s Dilemma, or the Dialectic of the Master and the Slave.

This situation may seem theoretical and abstract, but there are numerous real-world examples. Gossip comes to mind: where in the Iron-age an alleged wrongdoer was attacked in his body with swords and knives, today an alleged wrongdoer is attacked in his reputation with malicious words and social manipulations.

Consider the person who:

– gossips incessantly and maliciously about someone
– Includes in the gossip descriptions of incidents that may be several years in the past
– Demands that his side of the story be heard, in the interest of “fairness” and “hearing both sides”, but refuses to hear any view but his own, and may even take steps to prevent other views from being heard
– Recruits others to gossip maliciously about that person
– Makes threats against that person, or describes how he might be irrationally aggrieved if he ever meets that person in a public place
– Mixes half-truths, exaggerations, and lies into the stories of what the other person has done; or is otherwise unable to tell the difference between reality and fantasy
– Uses internet social networks or cell-phone text-messaging to harass and bully that person,
– Always portrays the harms he causes that person person as deserved, honourable, and fair
– Gossips maliciously about that person’s friends, associates, family members, and children

The harm caused by this kind of gossip is social and psychological, but it is still a form of blood-feud. It attacks a person’s reputation, social connections, and peace of mind; it can cause physiological responses including sleeplessness, nightmares, headaches, uncontrollable shaking of limbs, unstoppable crying, and other symptoms resembling post-traumatic stress. It can worsen existing psychological problems such as anxiety disorders or clinical depression. It can render people unable to function in their jobs, or unable to adequately parent their children. It has been known to drive people to suicide.

Friends, I believe that there is a profound difference between ordinary gossip and hate-campaigning. The former may be natural and normal, and may sometimes serve a useful social function; the latter is nothing less than the modern-day equivalent of the blood feud. I think that it should stop.

If you know someone whose behaviour can be described by any three of the points that I noted above, there is a very strong likelihood that this person is engaged in a hate campaign. The more of those points you see in someone’s behaviour, the more likely it is that this person is a hate-campaigner.

What can be done about it? The main thing you can do is deny the hate campaign an audience. Don’t participate. Give that person a first hearing, but if you think that person might be hate-campaigning instead of ordinarily gossiping, then say so. If the person says something slanderous or libellous, or threatens harm or death upon someone even in jest, remind them of section 264.1 of the Criminal Code of Canada. Remember, the hate campaign depends for its success on third parties deciding that they are “not responsible”, or “not wanting to get involved”. I understand this desire to protect oneself. The hate campaigner usually turns against his own friends and allies, if he has reason to believe they are insufficiently supportive. And no one wants to be the hate campaigner’s next target. But if you are witness to someone behaving as a hate campaigner, in the manner I have described above, think twice before stepping back and doing nothing. Someone’s life might be at stake.

And if you are the target of a hate campaign yourself, please try your best to stay strong, and rational, and remember your satyagraha. Nothing feeds a hate campaigner’s need for hate more than an in-kind response. The hate campaigner’s irrationality (and perhaps inhumanity) will eventually show itself, causing his own friends and allies to abandon him. Or the hate-campaigner will eventually be shamed by his own actions into recognizing and acknowledging his own true humanity, and so will heal himself, and oppress others no more. It may be a long time before one of those things happen; perhaps even many years. The hate campaigner may even just find someone else to hate before he eventually discovers he has built himself into a prison. Yet despite the apparent tenacity of the illusions and emotions that feed the hate campaigner’s work, the fact remains that reality, truth, and reason are stronger, and they always gain a hearing.

Some of you might know that at last year’s Kaleidoscope Gathering, I attended a sumbelritual where I made an oath. I promised that I would (finally!) record an album of my own music, with a minimum of eight original songs of mine, and that it would be available at the following gathering.

Last week, with about one month to go, I got organized to make the recording! My good friend Ja Sonier agreed to let me use his equipment and to play sound-engineer pro bono(what a good man is he!). We recorded a few more than eight of my songs that way. They are in the mixing stage right now, but we hope to have them available in time for the festival.

Why did I put it off so long? One reason had to do with the physical condition of my guitar: it needed repairs, especially for a bowed neck, and wasn’t much fun to play. It is now in the hands of a talented luthier. But more than that: the idea of recording my stuff is a little frightening. I’m a pretty good guitarist and singer for parties and small festivals, and I’ve always loved doing so. But a studio is a different place altogether, as is the audience for recorded music. And I can think of a number of local indie bands and singers who are much, much better than me.

Many years ago, I recorded a few songs at The Centre for Art Tapes, in Halifax, Nova Scotia. That was the only other time I recorded anything in a studio. (Six tracks were made that day, of which I still have only three, and my musicianship at the time was really awful so I keep those recordings under wraps.) So to record with Ja was, for all real purposes, a new experience. For instance, all the equipment is digital now. This time around, I also think I grew to appreciate more how the sound engineer is as much an artist as the musician is. A good engineer’s understanding of frequencies, techniques, timing, and the like, can make someone sound very good indeed.

It’s amazing what a microphone will do. I felt that played rather well in my short rehearsals, and then for the actual recordings I would drop chords, forget lyrics, mispronounce things, and have to start and stop all over again. It was as if I suddenly felt the presence of hundreds of other people, all listening, all judging. The microphone became like another human presence, an anonymous presence, and I made lots of flubs. Ja was very gracious. I suppose I’ll just have to get used to it, if I ever do this again.

We were recording this during a heat wave, and since we couldn’t run the AC at the time (it makes too much noise). So you can imagine what the studio was like. Sweat poured off my arms and down my back like rain. But as “they” say, “you must suffer for your art…”

For one song, since it had been written very recently and I had not yet memorized the words, I asked to record the voice track and guitar tracks separately. With that done, we started working on the mixing for the voice track. Then Ja’s computer overheated and crashed — it was more than 30 degrees in the studio. So we put the AC back on and took a break. When we returned, we found that the voice track had not been saved! But this turned out well in the end anyway, because the second recording of the voice track was much better. No flubbed lyrics, and a more passionate delivery.

The songs I’ve included on the album include a number of Bardic circle favourites from KG and WiccanFest over the many years. I’ll have them available at the festival itself (two weeks from now!), for a small and reasonable price, and after the fest I’ll make them available online. I’m also going to offer a concert at the festival too. My hope is that people will like the songs, and that perhaps other musicians will learn them and enjoy playing them at their parties and concerts too. (But if you are a musician and want to record a cover version, let me know first.)

A quick question for everyone: what format would you prefer? MP3, for playing on computers and ipods, or “normal” (whatever format that is) for playing in regular CD players?

My house does not have air conditioning. So when a heat wave came to Ontario, with temperatures of 33 degrees or hotter for four days in a row, my partner and I had to find other ways to keep cool. Here’s how we beat the heat:

– We kept the overhead fan in the living room going all day, to keep air circulating.

– We went swimming in the Rideau river: the lovely Strathcona Park is a two minute walk from our door.

– We drink lots of cold liquids, mostly fruit juices.

– We’ve a spray bottle full of water in the fridge, and once in a while I spray myself with it. I also wipe my body down with a cold wet cloth, to get rid of old sweat. There’s no point in toweling myself off to dry: within minutes the heat does that work for me.

The house heats up quickly during the morning and expels that heat slowly at night, which can make it very uncomfortable for sleeping. So at night I open the sunroom screen windows and the back door, to let cooler air flow through. Of course this means that the anything can fly into the house. We’ve been visited by hundreds of moths and mosquitos, two large black beetles, and a chickadee. But this is the only way to make the place cool enough to sleep in.

During the hottest part of the day, I get worried that my computer might overheat, so I shut it off. So I have been getting less work done on writing my next book. But this is a good opportunity to read, after all. With a private library, however small, no one ever needs to be at a loss for something to do.

But more than our computers, we worried about our dog. “Crash” is an Australian Blue Heeler, a breed that can take the desert heat. But she’s also twelve years old, which is the age when dogs of her breed tend to die. We were getting worried that the heat might kill her. So for her, we had towels drenched in cold water to cover her, ice cubes in her water (which she was too lethargic to drink most of the time anyway), and as much love and encouragement as we could show her. We took her out for walks only at night: the hot sidewalk would scorch her footpads. (During the day, if she had to go out to pee, she was taken out for no more than a minute or so.)

That sidewalk scorched my feet too! Now that it is summer I tend to go barefoot around the house and in my neighbourhood. In a few weeks I’ll have soles tough enough to walk to Mordor and back again. But in our heat wave last wek, the white concrete of the sidewalk got to be a bit much.

Today it will be a cool and pleasant 30 degrees, by comparison. In this part of the world, the difference between high summer and deep winter is as much as sixty celcius degrees. Both extremes are enough to kill the unprepared. We Canadians love to complain about our climate, but I wonder if we also harbour a secret pride in our ability to survive it. In the spring and fall, our middle-seasons, I sometimes feel stronger for having endured the previous season’s intensity. But I think I might trade that feeling for life in a somewhat more moderate climate — yes, maybe even the Galway rain.